An “asexual partner” is a partner who has no desire to have sexual intercourse, or preform sex acts, with someone, and often does not experience sexual attraction in a sexual manner. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, neither a choice nor medical ailment. Being asexual is simply part of who someone is.
These signs might indicate that you or someone you know is asexual:
- Limited interest in sexual activities. Individuals have a lack of desire or want to initiate or participate in sexual acts, have little care to discuss sex-related topics, and are clear that sex isn’t a major factor in relationships.
- Open communication about asexuality. Typically, asexual people do not mind talking about being asexual with their partners. Having these conversations can help you to better understand where your partner is coming from and what they might need.
- Lean into the emotional connection and other types of non-sexual intimacy. Asexual people tend to lean into emotional intimacy, as they find affection like cuddling, holding hands, deep conversation, and other simple ways to connect to be fulfilling in the relationship.
- Lack of sexual attraction. Individuals with asexuality often have no or low sexual attraction to others. They may not notice a “sexy” person that walks by, experience lust, or have sexual fantasies as non-asexual people do.
- Comfortable with no sexual activity. Asexual people are comfortable not having sex or being entirely celibate. For them, sex is not a fundamental aspect of life, and they would rather connect on a deeper mental level with partners.
- No interest in “sex talk.” Asexual individuals are not excited by sexually charged conversations or topics. They become disinterested or change the subject.
- Aversion to sexual touch or pleasure. A major sign of asexuality is the aversion to sexual activities. The thought of or being pressured into participating in these activities brings anxiety, stress, and upset.
- Positive attitude towards non-sexual intimacy. Many asexual people find great peace and comfort in non-sexual forms of intimacy like spending time with one another, sharing loving sentiments via notes or messages, and connecting on a deep, mentally intimate level. Many also seek out these forms of intimacy.
- Value personal autonomy. Asexual individuals value personal autonomy and value their personal choice when it comes to their bodies. They may vocally assert their rights or wants if they do ever choose to engage sexually or be very vocally if being forced or coerced into sexual acts they did not welcome.
- No signs of jealousy over sexual attraction. They may not react in the slightest seeing or hearing their partner take notice to a “sexy” or “hot” person that is around. They often do not feel the same sexual “possessiveness” that those who are linked in a sexual relationship feel.
- Emphasizes emotional connection in conflict resolution. If you are a heavy communicator who focuses on issues, feelings, and solutions rather than leaning into having “make-up sex,” you might be asexual.
- Lacking interest in romantic or sexual stereotypes. Asexual people do not care as much about how they are portrayed in the media or society. They have a disconnect from traditional relationships and gender-specific roles.
- Respect for boundaries and consent. Asexual people are highly conscious of the importance of boundaries and consent in all relationships, especially with physical intimacy – even if it is not sexual in nature.
If you’ve been asking yourself, “Is my partner asexual,” remember, asexuality is a diverse and valid orientation, and each asexual person’s experience is different. It is essential to engage in open and non-judgmental communication with your partner to better understand their personal feelings, preferences, and boundaries regarding intimacy and sexual activity within the relationship.
Citations
Empowering Intimacy
Asexual Visibility Education Network