Grieving is defined as, “feel grief for or because of,” and “cause great distress to (someone)” (Oxford dictionary). Grief is a natural reaction to loss and is a very personal experience for every individual.
Mourning the loss of self is a healing action that helps to progress us past complex and chaotic events in life. This could be the healing journey from cancer or illness, working through major life changes like loss or divorce, or any other event that brings heavy levels of stress to your life. Losing connection with ourselves can occur quickly and can take varying amounts of time to work on rebuilding once damaged.
Enter cancer & illness, and all we know seemingly vanishes. Including how to love and care for ourselves in a positive, uplifting way. Our battle becomes that of fighting off cancer to merely survive, while we begin forfeiting the very things that we once loved in life that kept us rolling along. Or learning how to care for our long-term illnesses in a way that still gives us brief moments of joy in life.
Our bodies change, making us feel like we no longer know the very vessels that we are controlling. That all the years of exercise, healthy eating, and not doing the worst things imaginable to keep it functioning have failed. The constant medical turmoil and chaos trigger a disconnect in our minds and through our bodies that forces us to tuck those negative or dysfunctional thoughts away.
This is why taking the time to fully understand, to grieve and get right with the news, and really focus on the life you want- even after all the changes- is just what your mind and body need to re-center and fully mourn the changes and losses that have occurred.
Tips for Coping with Grief after Cancer & Illness
- Affirmations as often as you can. Think of all the things you have learned about yourself and life in the process of battling cancer and illness. Positive thoughts and affirmations can help to keep your mind in the game, focused more on the positive aspects than not.
- Focus on Your Growth. Really pay attention to the myriad of ways your life has changed for the better knowing how you have grown in depth and breadth as a person after your battle.
- Give yourself time to Heal. Allow your emotions to flow and be present as you work through sadness, anger, frustration, and all the gamete of emotions that come from cancer and illness.
- Look for the Gains. Has this experience made you feel softer? Do you have more patience now than prior to your diagnosis? Have you learned how to better communicate? Have you learned how to better advocate for yourself?
- Allow intimacy in your life. This does not immediately mean physical intimacy (until you are ready, of course) but all other types of intimacy and connection. Spend time with friends and loved ones enjoying the things you love the most. Cuddle your pets extra or connect with a new hobby or passion.
- Practice Self-discovery. After major body changes, taking the time to connect with yourself and get to know your “new” body again is beneficial for healing physically and mentally. Self-discovery often includes masturbation and beginning to touch your own body in a pleasureful way to re-learn what you like, dislike, and what brings your changed body peace.
- Recognize and Respect your Boundaries. Boundaries are designed to support us and ultimately set us free. In some ways, you might feel that cancer and/or illness have made you braver and more courageous, having to fight to stay alive.
Grief is not something that will just go away, and self-reconnection will not magically happen overnight. Grief feelings ebb and flow over time, through challenges, and along the rest of your journey through life. Some days will be better than others, but promise will remain every day. Take the time you need to grieve so that you can fully pave the new path created from the turmoil.
Citations:
National Institute of Health and Human Services
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
WebMD
National Institute on Aging
Mental Health America