~
There are many things that affect how your body reacts to intimacy, sensuality, and sexuality. Some of these include stress, illness, cancer, medical treatment, life happenstance, and relational status. Many people find themselves struggling with arousal for various reasons, but those folks are also unaware of the different styles of arousal.
Many sexperts and sex therapists have come to define the two most common types of arousal as responsive arousal and spontaneous arousal. Responsive desire happens first within the brain and mental mood, and typically needs some sort of stimulation to get revved up. This could be something like kissing, massaging, or even gentle touch- whatever suddenly shifts your focus to pleasure. Spontaneous desire is the desire that is always at the surface and raring to go.
Spontaneous desire is more noted in our society, as many people simply look at another and act. Spontaneous desire does not take the mental focus to appear or become more active. Most often, humans are one or the other, but some people can fluctuate between having spontaneous desire and responsive desire.
There are other people who find it particularly challenging to ever feel aroused or feel sexual and there can be many reasons for this. It could be linked to medical issues, medications, stress, lack of sleep, or simple disconnect within the relationship. For those who are facing trouble becoming aroused at all, there are ways to work around blocks, and to re-learn your body, your mind, and your true desires once again.
This often involves sensuality. What is sensuality? Sensuality is defined as “the enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.” We often say sex could be the colors of the world, and sensuality would be the definitions and details drawn in to create the masterpiece. The more you view the colors of the world and decide on your favorites, the better you can then add in your own details and definitions to make your masterpiece just as you need it and want it. Without the details and definitions, the colors are still beautiful, but just that- the same colors everyone sees. Get to know your details, your definitions, and what your masterpiece of sensuality looks like.
So how does one focus and stroke their arousal?
They need to feel sexy. While that may sound simple, it can be a difficult task for many. There is no one correct way that a person will feel sexy. For some, it could be dressing up in fancy clothing and making themselves look “red carpet” worthy. For others, it could be watching porn with their partner or alone, exploring their bodies via masturbation or massage, or certain scents or sounds played in the room. Many people find that, under the slight influence of alcohol, this helps to lose their inhibitions and self-doubt, thusly increasing their sexiness.
One of the best ways to increase your self confidence and sexiness is to take yourself on a trip down memory lane. Think of all those times in the past where you felt utterly attractive, desirable, and to those moments where your pleasure was at the forefront. This might be your first sexual encounter, the first time you had a real orgasm, or the last time you saw another human that gave you butterflies in your stomach and the instant need to touch or connect with them.
All of these things are simple ways to relight your arousal spark and get you back into the mindset of pleasure. Mental blocks are the most reported issue when it comes to facing lack of arousal, or diminished drive for sensuality. By working to reclaim your life, your desires and your needs, you will find that your arousal is heightened, awakened, and ready for pleasure.
Citations:
Mirriam Webster
National Institute of Health and Human Services