“Hey Empowering Intimacy, how do I find my libido?”
Man, if it were as easy as telling you where you left it like your house keys, or your missing sock, we believe we would all be in a much calmer frame of mind. Unfortunately, finding and understanding your libido can be tricky, especially if you are dealing with stressful situations in life. Let’s discuss libido.
Many people begin to see the signs of low- or missing libido in their lives when they find that they do not feel like engaging sexually, having any sort of intimacy, or getting physically touchy with themselves or their partners. A humans’ “libido” is their general sexual desire and drive. Libido is unique like fingerprints to every individual, except that the libido “needs” change daily.
There are many factors that play into libido, as it is controlled by hormones dopamine and testosterone. Other factors like relationship connection, life stress, work related stress, family stress, and even personality traits can also hinder or alter your libido.
Medications and drug use can also lessen your libido, and an insurmountable number of prescription medications can also affect your libido, and sexual function. Those people on medications for cancer, long-term illness, autoimmune conditions, and heavy treatment regimens will face these issues many times during their lives. Those going through chemotherapy or radiation have reported these issues being temporary or lasting for quite some time after their treatment had ended.
Both men and women can face a loss of libido for endless reasons at just about any time in life. For women, birth control is another noted libido bomb, due to the hormones that the pills contain. For men, beta blockers are reportedly the most disruptive medication cause, but hair growth serums have also shown similar results. Long-term and degenerative illnesses like connective tissue disease, gastroparesis, endometriosis, or Cystic Fibrosis can hinder libido due to the extreme pain, malnutrition, and mental strain that they cause. Certain classes of prescription medications have also been linked to decreasing libido and some of those are anti-seizure medication, opioids, benzodiazepines, SSRIs, antidepressants, antihistamines, and of course, street drugs. (CDC)
There are also many circumstances and natural changes in life that can cause a lack of libido. Pregnancy and menopause can cause a woman to not feel or be as sexual, or desire extra touching. Mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and dissociating can also nix the drive. Mental health is often the more overlooked cause of libido and sexual dysfunction issues, as it often feels as “other” issues would be easier to tackle. If you are struggling with mental health issues, please reach out to your doctor or your local health clinic for care.
Another of the more overlooked causes for this is lack of sleep, as basic as those sounds. Adults need regular, deep sleep to refresh their bodies, minds, and tissues. Lack of sleep is an issue that plagues many adults in our world and can be challenging to ensure that you are getting the right amount. The lack of sleep can do more to our bodies than just cause lack of libido, but depleted energy, poor health, poor memory, and focus, and much more.
Losing your libido can feel devastating to you, or to you and your partner if you are in a committed relationship. It can feel like you have lost a part of yourself. Missing the “old self” can cause issues like loneliness, shame, or being a failure. This is why it is vital to address these issues early on and work through them to have a better understanding of the libido-mind connection.
There are a few ways to help heighten your libido and sex drive on your own.
- Take time to work on your mental connection with your partner. Make time to reconnect, discuss desires, and secure your relationship. Continue to get to know each other as often as you need to, over and over if that is what it takes.
- Revive your sexual routines. Take a course, learn new tips, try something completely new.
- Prescription Options. Talk to your doctor before making any major changes and stopping or starting any medication. Check into non-hormonal birth control methods and check in with your doctor about all your prescribed medications, their side effects, and any other possible options.
- Work on lessening life’s stress and clean up your lifestyle. Smoking, eating poorly, drinking too much alcohol, taking street drugs, over-working, and even worrying can offset our libido. It seems so easy, but that is not always true. Sometimes lifestyle changes are the hardest changes to make of all.
- Communicate and prioritize intimate time with your partner. This might not include physical intimacy immediately, but instead gentle massaging and touching. Communication is the lubrication in any relationship.
- Just do it! No, really. If you have scheduled or find yourself in an intimately charged situation with your partner, even if you’re not feeling it completely, stick with it, and try. (WHO, NIH)
If you ever reach a point where you begin to feel stuck and you cannot find a way through, please reach out to your doctor or local healthcare clinic to find out what other resources or options are in your area. Losing your libido, or not feeling the desire and drive, is a very common problem around the globe. Empowering Intimacy works to remove the shame that comes with these sexual health issues in bringing these conversations to light.
Still have questions on libido and sex drive? Check out our other resource articles!
Citations:
HealthLine.com
National Institute of Health
Center for Disease Control
World Health Organization
Note: This article is for informational purposes only with information compiled from numerous major health sources listed in the citations. Please consult your medical team for your situation or concerns.