Sensual massage has been used for centuries to help alleviate stress and calm the body, along with enticing intimacy and pleasure. Massage can also be a great source for awakening one’s arousal, likes and dislikes in the pleasure department. Massage with your partner can also helps to re-light the spark, get to know one another again, and further your relationship bond.
Genital massage, or Yoni and Lingam massage, are often a great place to start to awaken the genital area as well as the mind. A Yoni massage is the massage of the vulva area, and the Lingam massage is that of the penis. In this process, one partner would be the massager, and the other, the massagee. The job of the person who is to be massaged is to simply lay down and direct their partner on what feels good, bad, full of pleasure. While this may seem simple, the mental side of this can often be a challenge. The person receiving the massage will need to work to fully clear their mind and stay focused in the moment. This helps the brain to better recognize pleasure and helps you to determine what feels the best, and worst.
If the stressful and worrisome thoughts push their way back in, take the time to push them right back out. There will be an ebb and flow of these sorts of thoughts and feelings until you find your comfort zone. Another thing that can hinder the ability to fully relax is to feel uncomfortable being naked in front of your partner in such a way. This can also be something that you may need time to adjust to. You can do this by working up to the fully naked massage, by beginning with shirtless backrubs, or pants-less (with or without underwear) hip massages. There are no real rules here, and every massage you have done does not need to begin with anything sexual. Massage is an intimate act, which will draw you closer to your partner.
One thing to remember in these situations is that the receiving partner does not have to worry about anything, especially reciprocating. You can easily change places with your partner on a different day, at a different time. Give each other the support to feel it all on their own day, and in their own time.
It might feel like you are asking a lot from your partner giving you so much attention and time to help you find and awaken your arousal. Truth is, you are not. The “giver” in this situation is on a learning journey with you. It gives them the opportunity to watch you and discover all the ways your body reacts to them, and which acts create the most relaxing pleasure for you. They will get to know what your facial expressions are when you are pleased and sated, while noticing their own personal reactions to each act.
Here are some tips and ideas for those who have vulvas starting out:
- Always begin gently around the outer lip of the vulva, by stroking ever so gently. It is important to begin gently as every human has different levels for pain and pleasure. You can always build up to strong stroking as you go.
- When you begin, use a lubed hand. This helps to ensure that there is no uncomfortable friction during the massage.
- After taking your time on the outer lip of the vulva, gently and slowly slide the fingers in between the outer labia and inner labia- if the receiver tolerates. Graze over the entire area, including the outside, and back inwards again.
- Consider using the palm of your hand (while lubricated) and brushing the entire vulva area upwards, from the bottom of the vulva with slight pressure and swiping upwards to the clitoral hood- over and over, however fast or slow your receiver reacts to and enjoys. This process helps to awaken the blood vessels in the entire area, and gently begins to arouse the clitoris- which is an extremely sensitive nerve ending, full of pleasure filled places.
This is a great basic beginning to vulvar massage and helping your vulva having partner awaken their arousal needs. If you are a penis having individual, the massage may be a bit different to start. Here are some pointers:
- In most cases, you begin the penial massage with a flaccid penis, or not erect. You will want to begin much like was explained by the vulva- slowly and gently. As you gently caress the penis and shaft, do not forget to gently hold, massage, and touch the scrotum, or balls, as well. Some people enjoy having them gently tickled, or gently tapped. You should never grab or apply intense pressure without building up from a gentle place and ensuring that the receiver enjoys such an action.
- When the penis is flaccid, consider tipping it upward, towards the belly button, laying it on the abdomen. This allows for gentle massage on the underside of the shaft. Do not attempt this while the penis is erect, as it can be uncomfortable.
- Remember to massage the penis with a lubricated hands to avoid any friction or painful contact.
- Begin at the root of the frenulum, which is like the glands of the clitoris. It is an extremely sensitive area. Gently caress this area, while massaging the shaft of the penis.
- If there is a foreskin present, remember to never pull this back, but touching and caressing the foreskin is acceptable, if your partner appreciates this feeling.
- Continue to massage the penis, testicles and scrotum and as your partner reacts, continue or discontinue doing the things that excites pleasure for them.
Remember, the act of massage is designed to awaken your arousal and rediscover your likes and dislikes. The end goal does not always have to focus on the orgasm. There are also other things to consider when learning and doing massage, like adding in other items for sensation and removing certain senses. Some of these are:
- Blindfolds. These can help to reduce the stress level and in trepidation with new things.
- Sexual aids and devices. These are designed to help heighten orgasm and help to learn new pleasure points around the body. These can include vibrators, anal stimulators, bullet vibes, finger vibrators, wands and more.
- Lubrication. The use of high-quality lubrication is a must. Reclaiming Intimacy offers a variety of lubrication types for your needs. To read more about our lubrications, visit the Product Reviews and Recommendations page.
The most important thing to remember is that it takes all humans different amounts of time and practice to get use to doing and trying new things, especially when it involves intimacy and sex. Awakening your arousal and intimacy needs will do you and your relationship good! Have a great adventure on your journey to awakening your arousal!
Citations:
National Institutes of Health and Human Services
Sankofa Sex Therapy, Blaylock-Solar